Postpartum depression: my biggest fear

I consider a counseling session successful if I cry.  It means that we didn't just sit around making small talk about surface issues but that we hit on a topic that is painful to me - the reason I am seeking counseling in the first place.  I distinctly remember two times that I cried during counseling for my postpartum depression and anxiety.

The first time I cried was during my first counseling session.  My counselor asked me what my biggest fear was.  I answered immediately.  It was that my panic and anxiety attacks would never go away.  My answer and the tears that came with it surprised me.

I suspect that for many women, the worst part about postpartum depression/anxiety is not knowing when and if it will go away.  When you are in the midst of it, the pain is so severe and so constant that you can't imagine the possibility of being normal again.  More terrifying than hearing your baby cry, more terrifying than the thought of hurting your own child, and more terrifying than the thought of someone else hurting your child is the thought that there may not be an end to the anxiety that is eating you up.