Counseling: some frustrations

Even if I never changed out of my pajamas all the other days of the week, I would always do my makeup and wear something cute for my counseling sessions.  I didn't want her to think I was a total loser, even though I was already revealing to her what a dysfunctional mother, basket-case wife, and terrible daughter-in-law I was.  One time we showed up to a session wearing the same shirt from Ann Taylor Loft (different color).  That was a little weird.

Image: nixxphotography / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Getting the most out of counseling is difficult for me.  I'm constantly worried about what the counselor will think of me, which makes it hard to be completely honest.  When I would talk about the anxiety I had regarding my in-laws and how I was pretty much blockading them from seeing their one and only grandchild, I couldn't help but think, "She's probably hoping she never gets a daughter-in-law like me."  I tempered myself and never revealed to her the true depths of how anxious I was, how I was afraid to lose my daughter's love to my in-laws, how I wanted to be the only one in her life.  Instead, it became more a conversation about getting comfortable with other people taking care of my kids.  It was helpful but didn't really address the core issue I was dealing with.

Counseling is also very frustrating and sometimes awkward.  I never really know if I'm supposed to just start talking about myself, or if I should let her lead with the questions.  Sometimes I felt like she would ask a lot of questions about a particular issue that was irrelevant to my issues.  Other times I would bait her with something that I thought was perhaps part of my dysfunction (my need for control, for example), but she would gloss over it.  The most frustrating part is that she never really gave me any advice or a diagnosis of any sort and instead would always just ask me how I felt about things.

Me: My husband said that I should be open to the idea of medication if that's what I need.
Counselor:  And how does that make you feel?

Me: Someone suggested that maybe I should just face my fears and start dropping off my daughter with my in-laws on a regular basis.  Then I would see that it wasn't so bad.  (Please tell me that's a bad idea!)
Counselor:  How do you feel about that?

Stop asking me how I feel!  Just tell me what to do!  Yes, I was annoyed that my counselor was trying to get me to explore my feelings.  You definitely don't ever want me as a counseling client.