Postpartum depression and trusting God

The thought that my postpartum anxiety might never go away was a devastating thought to me.  Imagine being anxious about a whole host of things related to your newborn child, and then on top of that, being anxious about the anxiety itself.  Now, you might ask at this point where my good Christian faith was.  And I will be honest.  I did not want to have faith that God would to heal me.

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Notice I did not lack faith that God could heal me.  I never questioned his ability to do so.*  He is all-powerful.  He can do anything.  And that is what scared me.  He could heal me.  Or He could not.  And if I trusted Him for healing but it was somehow part of His comic plan for me to suffer like this for the rest of my life, I don't think I could have handled that disappointment.  So I protected myself and did not let myself hope that things would get better.

I haven't always been such a spiritual cynic.  In the past, I would pray with great faith for others.  You had a falling out with your friend?  I'll pray for love and healing.  You just survived a natural disaster?  I'll pray for emotional healing and the rebuilding of your home.  But in the end, I was still in my nice, cozy bed in my nice, air-conditioned house living my nice, first-world life.  I also prayed through major life decisions.  God, please provide a job for me.  But if I don't get a job, I'll just move back home.  There was always an out in the past.  When it really came time to trust God with my life, I was too scared to.

*I'm not advocating that anyone pray themselves out of postpartum depression.  I believe that God can heal us of anything but that He may use medicine, counseling, or other resources to aid in that healing.