Getting out of bed

I suffered from postpartum depression. I remember the baby’s cries waking me from my sleep. A feeling of dread immediately enveloped my whole body. I knew I needed to get up, but I felt like I had lead weights on my arms and legs. My body was immobile.

Image: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s like being in the middle of a dream in the early morning, when you’re half-awake but still mostly in your dream state. A very small part of your consciousness wants to wake up, to move, but you can’t. You try to open your eyes, but they won’t because they’re already open in your dream. You put all of will into opening your eyes, moving an arm, moving something, anything. Finally, with one last shove of effort, you open your eyes, and you’re finally awake. That was the amount of effort it took for me to get up out of bed when my baby cried.