Searching for Theodicy

When I was in college, I took a brief interest in Christian apologetics - defending the faith through objective and rational arguments.  I thought at the time that it was important for winning people over to Christ.  I then realized that no one (no one!) is ever converted through rational debate.  You could debate an atheist until you are blue in the face, and s/he wouldn't budge an inch.  Faith is not something that can be won through an argument but is the work of God.

Image: Stuart Miles

So for awhile, I thought apologetics was just for people who wanted to argue and that it really wasn't worth my time.  I'm now realizing that apologetics is not just for defending the faith but also for encouraging believers.  Apologetics is, in essence, theology in different clothing, and good theology is vital to our faith.

I don't label myself as having postpartum depression/anxiety/intrusive thoughts anymore, but I still bear the scars.  I recently became lax about staying away from the news, and I read some news articles that shook me to the core.  I was awake almost the rest of the night doubting God's goodness, wrestling with my faith, wondering if I could even call myself a Christian anymore.

That night, I came across the term "theodicy" for the first time, which is basically an attempt to answer the problem of evil.  I think I know deep down that a true theodicy doesn't exist -- as in, there may be logical arguments for the existence of evil, but those arguments will never resolve the pain caused by evil or make it obvious that God had no choice but to allow this world to become as broken as it is.  I'm okay with that - I don't presume to think that I as a human being could ever have the same perspective as God does.  But I also think it's important to strengthen my faith with good theology.  My friend recommended Ravi Zacharias, so I'm looking to get one of his books soon.

And how did I end up getting to sleep that night?  I prayed.  Even when I doubt Him, God is my comforter.