What do you do all day?
>> Wednesday, November 16, 2011 –
activities,
boredom,
depression
One of the big things I struggled with after I became a stay-at-home-mom was what to do with my baby all day. Of course, I spent a lot of time nursing/feeding her, changing her, and trying to get her to sleep, all of which took a lot more time than it sounds. But there was also this troubling thing that a lot of baby books call "awake time" where the baby isn't eating, sleeping, or pooping, but just...awake.
I'm not a baby person. I think babies are cute, but I don't really have the need or desire to hold other people's babies or play with them. When I get together with other moms, I'd rather have an adult conversation than to play and babytalk with our kids. Yet I decided to stay home to "enjoy this time," so I felt like I needed to spend every waking hour playing or interacting with my daughter. I asked other moms what they did all day with their kids and tried to implement the suggestions:
So here's every (sane) SAHM's dirty little secret: You can do other stuff. Do chores, work on a hobby, "like" a few things on Facebook. My friend of a friend at efootprints advised playing with kids in 15 minute chunks. Having "permission" from someone I consider a supermom to not spend every waking minute interacting with my child was liberating!
Just don't get your expectations too high about what you can accomplish. If your wife is a SAHM, or if you're tired of your SAHM friend being a "bad friend," please read the next part very carefully --> The time is not consolidated. Some days it takes me an entire day to do one load of laundry. I worked on a few home improvement projects that would take a normal person two weekends to complete but took me two months. I've also found being active (eg: chores or crafts) was more acceptable to my toddler than reading a book, surfing the internet, or talking on the phone (my sister is starting to develop the skill of talking over crying babies, but I don't assume my other friends have that skill). Also, the time that is spent interacting with my kids is very draining, so sometimes I just want to do nothing when I have free time, and that doesn't mean I'm lazy.
Of course, I still think it's important to spend a lot of quality time with my kids. I have them "help" with my chores or activities, but I also make time each morning and afternoon to do what they want to do, to hug, kiss, and sing to them, and to make sure I am paying attention to them.
Even though I no longer suffer from postpartum depression (I'll continue to blog about that process in other posts), I still struggle with "regular" depression sometimes. The sheer boredom and tediousness of taking care of little children contributes a lot to the depression, and having permission to do other stuff has helped me tremendously. It seems like common sense now, but for the longest time I felt guilty if I wasn't spending quality time with my daughter every waking moment. I hope sharing my experience frees up other struggling moms to take time away from their baby if that's what they need.
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| Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
- Read - 2 minutes if you read a whole bunch of board books
- Go for a walk - not possible 6 months out of the year where I live
- Peek-a-boo - 3 minutes (baby could go longer, but I get sick of it)
- Sing - 5 minutes if I sing every song I know multiple times
- Dangle random toys in front of them (I came up with this one) - 1 minute
So here's every (sane) SAHM's dirty little secret: You can do other stuff. Do chores, work on a hobby, "like" a few things on Facebook. My friend of a friend at efootprints advised playing with kids in 15 minute chunks. Having "permission" from someone I consider a supermom to not spend every waking minute interacting with my child was liberating!
Just don't get your expectations too high about what you can accomplish. If your wife is a SAHM, or if you're tired of your SAHM friend being a "bad friend," please read the next part very carefully --> The time is not consolidated. Some days it takes me an entire day to do one load of laundry. I worked on a few home improvement projects that would take a normal person two weekends to complete but took me two months. I've also found being active (eg: chores or crafts) was more acceptable to my toddler than reading a book, surfing the internet, or talking on the phone (my sister is starting to develop the skill of talking over crying babies, but I don't assume my other friends have that skill). Also, the time that is spent interacting with my kids is very draining, so sometimes I just want to do nothing when I have free time, and that doesn't mean I'm lazy.
Of course, I still think it's important to spend a lot of quality time with my kids. I have them "help" with my chores or activities, but I also make time each morning and afternoon to do what they want to do, to hug, kiss, and sing to them, and to make sure I am paying attention to them.
Even though I no longer suffer from postpartum depression (I'll continue to blog about that process in other posts), I still struggle with "regular" depression sometimes. The sheer boredom and tediousness of taking care of little children contributes a lot to the depression, and having permission to do other stuff has helped me tremendously. It seems like common sense now, but for the longest time I felt guilty if I wasn't spending quality time with my daughter every waking moment. I hope sharing my experience frees up other struggling moms to take time away from their baby if that's what they need.
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