Visions for the new year

When I was in college, I attended a talk where the speaker was casting a vision for the new year.  I don't remember the speaker or the vision, but I remember how he defined vision:

the intoxicating dream that hurls you into pursuit of that reality

I think this wins the prize for packing the most number of loaded words into one definition.  Intoxicating.  Dream.  Hurls.  Pursuit.  Reality.

Image: Salvatore Vuono

I'm extremely grateful for the ways I was challenged in college to pursue a radical lifestyle and for books like Crazy Love and Don't Waste Your Life.  However, sometimes I feel that I have only been equipped to live a life full of adventure, travel, physical hardship for the sake of God's glory, and if I am honest with myself, personal glory.  But I have been ill-equipped to live a quiet life with little to no personal glory or adventure.  Lately, I am in need of inspiration more along the lines of:

• Contentment with leading a quiet life
• Joy in the midst of boredom
• The work of Christ in domestic matters (if there is such a thing)
• Laying down your life for your husband and children
• Toddler evangelism

These are my "visions" for how I will eventually grow as a wife and mother.  More sobering than intoxicating.  And moving at a reluctant snail's pace rather than hurled into pursuit.

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DIY Name Wall Art

In a huge departure from the normal posts documenting my struggles with motherhood and challenges to my faith, here's something I made recently for my two daughters.  They hang above each of their cribs right now and will hang above each of their beds once they are sharing a room.  These were super easy (no artistic talent needed) and cheap (I spent $8 total for both).  Would you like to make one for someone you know?

  



Materials:

1. Pre-matted picture frame in the size and style of your choice.  Design tip:  White frame/mat/background paper will look most like "nursery" art if that's what you're going for.  Moneysaving tip: I purchased mine from Goodwill for about $4 each.  They were originally gold frames that had poster art on the inside.  All I cared about was that the frames were approximately the same size and that they came with a mat.  I then primed/painted the frames/mat/background paper to match.  Warning:  If you paint the mat to match the frame/background paper, use a very thin layer of paint.  Some parts of my paint that are bumpy press up against the glass and look like black marks.
2. Scrapbook and solid cardstock paper.  If you cut out all of your letters/icons from one pattern/color, you will only need one sheet of scrapbook paper.  You need one solid cardstock paper as the background if your frame doesn't already have one you can use.  Design tip: Large patterns will not show up properly on the letters/icons.  Stick with small patterns or solids. Moneysaving tip: For the moon in Carla's version, I used cardboard packaging from a packet of sandpaper.  It's a different material from the other papers, but I didn't want to purchase yellow paper just for that tiny amount.  You might be able to make the entire thing out of various cardboard packaging you already have!
3. Mod Podge or Elmer's glue
4. Printer, scissors, and transfer paper or crayons for transferring letters/shapes to scrapbook paper.  Or a Silhouette if you're lucky enough to have one!

Directions:

Print a B&W version on regular paper.

1. Use your printer to print the name using large, simple block letters onto plain paper.  I used size 110 bold Ariel, with small caps.
2. Look around online for a simple clipart graphic for the animal or whatever icon you want.  I picked the animals for my daughters based on the Chinese zodiac year in which they were born (Carla = ox and Rachela = rabbit).  Don't get too fancy here - the simpler the image, the easier it will be to make it look nice.  Print that out onto plain paper also, or freehand draw an outline if you don't find what you want online (I made up the cow for Carla's version).
3. If you have transfer paper, transfer the letters/images onto the scrapbook paper.  I didn't want to spend money on transfer paper, so here's my cheapo way of transferring the images.  Use a crayon to color over the entire back side of the printed images (not the side where the printer printed).  Place the paper on top of the scrapbook paper so that the crayon part is facing the scrapbook paper, and the printed letters/image are facing out.  Now use a pencil to trace the letters/image.  The crayon will transfer to the scrapbook paper.  Trace slightly to the outside of the outline so that you can cut off the tracing lines.  Or you could print the letters/images as a mirror image (requires flipping the image using graphic software before printing).  Then you can trace onto the back of the scrapbook paper and not worry about your tracing lines showing on the front.
4. Cut out letters and images.  I used scissors for most and then an exacto knife for the inner parts of some of the letters.
5. Glue letters/icon onto background paper.  Optional: Cover over entire thing with a layer of Mod Podge or slightly watered down Elmer's Glue to provide a clear coating.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and if you end up making one, please leave me a comment to let me know!  Happy crafting!

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How Depression Affected My Prayer Life

Soon after I had my second child, there was a famine in Africa.  There's been a famine in Africa for as long as I can remember, but this one was bad enough to make it to the news.  While struggling with intrusive thoughts, I lost the desensitivity that allowed me to read about suffering and then move on to celebrity gossip without blinking an eye.  I heard that some starving babies didn't even have the strength to cry, and it made me depressed for bringing my babies into such a sad and painful world.  I purposefully avoided the news so that I wouldn't read about it or see any pictures about it. 

I had the same one-sided conversation with God every day, "How could you give life to so many people and then just leave them to suffer, starve, and die?"  I felt foolish for trivial prayers over my kids' sleeping or eating habits.  I stopped praying for myself or for my kids and prayed only for Africa.  If God wasn't going to do something about a cross-continent famine, why would He care about making my domestic life easier?  I thought I would go ahead and do Him the favor of removing those prayers from His Queue so that He wouldn't have to toss them out Himself.

Honestly, I kinda thought that my life would be the same whether or not I prayed, but my prayer strike taught me that prayer is about more than giving God my wish list.  I found myself with a weightier load on my shoulders.  I was less sensitive to sin creeping into my life.  I became more self-centered.  I still don't have a satisfactory answer to the problem of unanswered prayer, but I learned that prayer is about more than just getting what I ask for.  I still pray for Africa, but I also pray for my kids, myself, and other people now, too.  I try to focus less on asking for things and more on giving my burdens over to God.

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Medicating with Will Ferrell

During the time when we were sleep training my daughter, she often took short naps lasting only 15-20 minutes.  She was a ticking time bomb that kept me on edge even when she was asleep.  During this period, my sister sent me two DVDs to help pass my time, and I watched them in short spurts over several naps.  What I didn't expect was the deep feeling of dread and disappointment I had when each movie ended.  I could almost feel my heart physically dropping in my chest when the credits rolled.  Both movies are great but not cinematic masterpieces (Baby Mama and Stranger Than Fiction), but I became incredibly engrossed in them because they provided an escape from reality.

His girlfriend left him for an actuary.

With the end of each movie, I was forced to face the depression, the stress, and the anxiety again.  I felt kind of pathetic for being depressed at the end of a movie, but if there's no shame in taking antidepressants, then I suppose there should be no shame for anesthetizing with Will Ferrell.  So many activities in life are just distractions from reality: TV, blogs, Facebook.  I've found that self-reflection is often the biggest enemy of someone struggling with depression, and sometimes these superficial distractions are what keep us going.

On the other hand, I'm not sure God wants us to medicate with media.  I suspect the only things keeping Him from yanking these superficialities out of our lives are His gentle mercy and patience.  I hope one day I will be able to come face to face with my depression and offer it up to God in exchange for a deeper understanding of His grace and abundance.  For now, I'm acutely aware of the depression lurking in the corner of the room, but I only have the courage to look at it askance, trying on most days to just pretend it's not there.

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